Protect ya neck! (gatekeepers)
My great- granny Ida told me way before I started having children of my own that once I woman has her baby she needs to go off in a dark room far away from the world and everybody in it. I thought it was some ole old Black superstition. I dismissed it as fast as 7 years of bad luck if you broke a mirror. It was not until I had my own children that I understood what she was trying to tell me. She was telling me that women have to protect their healing spaces after giving birth, because only a few, maybe less than that will not consider what you just went through. Some may even go for your neck because they understand exactly what you went through.
If a postpartum mother is not careful with the company she keeps, she can find herself catering to those around her, she can find herself being scrutinized, ignored, and attacked by the people she invites into her space during this sensitive time. This could be her best friend, her sibling, her partner, her parents. So how do you not invite significant family members over after such a huge event? YOU DON'T! Especially if you are discerning that they will be them selfish selves.
Its true. People dont have to change for no one, but after you have a baby, they HAVE to change for you. They must cater to you. They must watch their tones. They must be gentle with their words. If you know your granny is going to smoke no matter what you say, dont invite her ass over during your post-partum period. Yes! Grandma is going to be PISSED! She will get over it. If you know your sister is going to call you fat the day after you have a baby, she can go skip rocks. If you know your best friend can be the jealous type, she can go fly a kite instead of pulling up on you and the baby. If your mother-in-law doesn't like you, she can go kick rocks too.
Paul the Apostle said,
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
- Colossians 3:13
Forgive indeed! But while you are healing from childbirth, FIND YOUR GATEKEEPERS* AND PROTECT YA NECK AND YA SPACE.
*gatekeeper - Someone who is in the room who will protect your body, your spirit, and your healing space. A man/woman/doula at the door with machete.